Vitser og morsomheter Den store (engelske?) vitsetråden!

[Panama Red]

 

[coolbiz]

Adding a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.

For example:

Bob ate Jane's sandwich.
Bob ate Jane's colon.

 

[coolbiz]

A woman runs up to a policeman.
“Officer, please help! My friend has a Quality Street chocolate blocking his windpipe!"

“The purple one?”

“Yeah, that’s him.”

 

[coolbiz]

Saudi Arabia don't like The Flintstones.
But Abu Dhabi do!

 

[Aerik]

 

[Aerik]

 

[coolbiz]

 

[Panama Red]

A gorilla died of old age at the zoo. He was their only gorilla and the zoo's most popular attraction by far. The zoo owner was worried about losing money, so he told the gorilla keeper that he'd double his salary if he agreed to put on a gorilla suit, get in the cage and pretend to be a gorilla until they could find a new gorilla. The man agreed and did such a good job impersonating a gorilla that people traveled from far and wide to see him. About a month later, the new started to wear off and attendance started to dwindle. So to regain people's attention, he decided to climb out of his enclosure and hang from the ceiling of the lion's den next door. This attracted a huge crowd of people who looked on in awe and terror. After a while, the man suddenly lost his grip and fell to the floor of the lion's den. He started panicking and screaming for help and out of nowhere the lion grabbed him, threw him to the ground and whispered in his ear, "Shut the hell up or you're going to get us both fired."

 

[erato]

My whole family are distraught over my grandfathers recent admission to viagra addiction.

Grandma is taking it particularly hard

 

[coolbiz]

I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl.
I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection... but she did.

 

[Aurora]

Er visst nok av overraskelser blant besøkende på thaibarer, som fikk noe helt annet i hånda enn det de forventet....

 

[coolbiz]

Remember when plastic surgery was a taboo subject?
Nowadays, when you mention Botox, no-one raises an eyebrow.

 

[coolbiz]

 

[lurvis]

An old, blind Marine wanders
into an all-girl biker bar by
mistake.

He finds his way to a bar stool
and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while,
he yells to the bartender,
`Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?`

The bar immediately falls
absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice,
the woman next to him says,

`Before you tell that joke i think it
is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things;

1. The bartender is a blonde girl
with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I`m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound
blonde woman with a black belt
in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me
is blonde and a proffessional
weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde
and a proffessional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously,
do you still wanna tell that
blonde joke?´

The blind Marine thinks for a second,
shakes his head and mutters,

`No…not if i`m gonna have to
explain it five times.`

 

[PederP]

 

[Panama Red]