- Ble medlem
- 19.09.2014
- Innlegg
- 20.743
- Antall liker
- 13.231
There was a prison break and I saw a midget climb up the fence, and as he jumped down he sneered at me and I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
* * *
Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular
* * *
I was walking through the cemetery and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning..”. He said, “No. Taking a shit.”
* * *
A group of engineers are on a boat and are out on a cigarette break. However, none of them have a lighter. One engineer gets a great idea, and throws a cigarette off the boat. Suddenly, the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
* * *
Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path when one nun says to the other, “I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun replies, “Must be the cobblestones.”
* * *
I still remember when my mom used to tuck me in as a kid. Man she really wanted a daughter.
* * *
A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said “well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?”.
The guy says “oh I went to yale”.
The employer: “oh great!! Well you’re hired, you start monday”
Guy: “Yay! I got a yob!”
* * *
Have you any two-watt bulbs?
For what?
That’ll do. I’ll take two.
Two what?
I thought you didn’t have any.
Any what?
Yes please.
* * *
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said, “Thanks.”
I said, “Don’t mention it.”
* * *
A beautiful woman walks into a bar. The barkeep asks, “What’ll you have?” She replies, “I’d like a double entendre, please.” So he gives it to her.
* * *
Dad – “Did you know that if you pour salt on a cat’s tail it will fall off?”.
Son – “Really?”.
Dad – “Yup. If you pour pepper on a cat’s tail it will fall off, too.”
* * *
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man in a trench coat walked over and flashed them! Two of the little old ladies immediately had a stroke, but the third one didn’t want to touch it.
* * *
Shoutout to the people who don’t know what the opposite of in is
* * *
My friend was about to get attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him, but it only made it worse.
* * *
“If I saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d just start shouting out letters.”
* * *
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg.
* * *
There is a lesbian couple next door to me, and for christmas they bought me a rolex.
I think they misunderstood.
* * *
Remains to be seen if glass coffins become popular
* * *
I was walking through the cemetery and saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, “Morning..”. He said, “No. Taking a shit.”
* * *
A group of engineers are on a boat and are out on a cigarette break. However, none of them have a lighter. One engineer gets a great idea, and throws a cigarette off the boat. Suddenly, the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
* * *
Two nuns are biking down a cobblestone path when one nun says to the other, “I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun replies, “Must be the cobblestones.”
* * *
I still remember when my mom used to tuck me in as a kid. Man she really wanted a daughter.
* * *
A guy was nailing his interview when the employer said “well you look great but I see here there was a 7 year gap since your last job, what happened there?”.
The guy says “oh I went to yale”.
The employer: “oh great!! Well you’re hired, you start monday”
Guy: “Yay! I got a yob!”
* * *
Have you any two-watt bulbs?
For what?
That’ll do. I’ll take two.
Two what?
I thought you didn’t have any.
Any what?
Yes please.
* * *
I bought my friend an elephant for his room.
He said, “Thanks.”
I said, “Don’t mention it.”
* * *
A beautiful woman walks into a bar. The barkeep asks, “What’ll you have?” She replies, “I’d like a double entendre, please.” So he gives it to her.
* * *
Dad – “Did you know that if you pour salt on a cat’s tail it will fall off?”.
Son – “Really?”.
Dad – “Yup. If you pour pepper on a cat’s tail it will fall off, too.”
* * *
Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man in a trench coat walked over and flashed them! Two of the little old ladies immediately had a stroke, but the third one didn’t want to touch it.
* * *
Shoutout to the people who don’t know what the opposite of in is
* * *
My friend was about to get attacked by a duck. I tried to warn him, but it only made it worse.
* * *
“If I saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d just start shouting out letters.”
* * *
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg.
* * *
There is a lesbian couple next door to me, and for christmas they bought me a rolex.
I think they misunderstood.
